I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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