I like my sex mixed with concussions.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
