she woke up with a sticky ear
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
