shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
