so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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