omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
