The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
