funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
