Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
