why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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