I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
