Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
