I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
