I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
