Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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