I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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