You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
