"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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