I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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