Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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