If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
