You're completely useless in the revolution.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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