My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
