I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
