I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
