apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
