Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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