That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
