no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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