Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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