Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
