so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
