he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
