if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
