id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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