I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
