after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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