The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Im part way to drunk.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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