Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
