mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
