I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
