Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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