Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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