He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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