So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
