i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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