so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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