You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
