I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
