he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
