The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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